he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
