Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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