6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm at about main and main street
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
