She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think i have two assholes
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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