we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
