So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
