"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
