Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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