laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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