yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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