I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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