took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
