I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
