so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
