OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
