Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This toilet bowl is my home.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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