he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
