You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
