i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
