Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
