When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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