Do you still have your period?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sext me about skeletons
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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