Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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