I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
