Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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