Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
