So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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