I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
