im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
