Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
