here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
