she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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