I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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