Can i not drive my cunt home
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
