I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
