Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
