i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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