Will you blow on my dice?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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