tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
