Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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