I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
