Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
