I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wear drunk well.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
