dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
