my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
