She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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