I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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