sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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