On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
