I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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