cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
