We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
