your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
