Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
