I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize