Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
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I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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