Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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