dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
