okay pat passed out under dana's car
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
