His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
