Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
