Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
