we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
