Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
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rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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