The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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