So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.