good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
